Being There For Someone Experiencing Grief
Grieving has no right or wrong ways. It comes from within the person. Everybody has their own individual way, and you need to respect that in the person and share in it with them. Don’t be afraid to hug them if they want to be held. Comfort them. Be there for them. Take cues from the person. Some people may prefer to be left alone while many people want to be held and nurtured. More than anything, just listening is important. Don’t avoid someone who is grieving. Don’t try to distract them from their pain. If they want to scream and yell, don’t say, “Don’t cry, it’ll be okay.” Let them cry, scream, yell - just be a good listener. Then, without judgement, guide them as they integrate the reality of the loss into their everyday life.
When greeting the bereaved at a wake or funeral don’t hold back expressing your grief. Most people who have lost a loved one want to be comforted by being held, hugged and even kissed. Most people want to be told how special and wonderful their loved one was. Let them know how that person touched your life and how much they mean to you. If you feel like crying-go ahead. Any way you express your grief is acceptable.
Nobody knows how they are going to react when they are first given the news that someone has died. Some people go into shock and are speechless and numb, while others wail and scream or even become ill. After you have coped with your own grief, it becomes important to make yourself readily available to the needs of the immediate family or loved ones. You can achieve this by:
* Telling them that you are available for them anytime if they want to have company or to talk.
* Asking if they need food or help with any arrangements. If they reject your help, don’t be offended-just be there and be ready to offer your help shortly after. All too often help is offered on the day of the funeral and afterwards the bereaved are neglected and not called. Offering help does not only develop a stronger support system for the bereaved but helps you deal with your own grief.
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